you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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