This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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