Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
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I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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