I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
