I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
