My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
