wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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