remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
my poor anus
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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