put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
