So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
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You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
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Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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