i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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