they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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