if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
