lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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