Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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