I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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