You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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