Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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