look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
