Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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