i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
