the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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