I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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