mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
