so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
