you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
