Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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