Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
