hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
