Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
