mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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