the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
