absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you win again, gameday.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
