I think I am morally bankrupt
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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