I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.