i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?