i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
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She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
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the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.