apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.