nutella sex= disaster
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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