I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
