I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
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The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
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And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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