Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
