I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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