PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
