We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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