Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
