no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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