Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
