Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
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it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
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Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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