i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
