my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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