The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
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dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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