totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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