my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
