I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
