he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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