Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize