Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
