goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
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he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
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Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize