I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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