He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
