Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
