What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
