Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
