hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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