Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
50% drunk capacity currently
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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