Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I looked at my own cervix.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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