Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
