I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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