I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
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You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
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i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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