I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
