you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize