Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
