i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
