Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
